July 2, 2016

Anytime I accidentally do something "wrong."

Me: "Oh, oops. Sorry, Winter; that was an accident.
Winter: "It's okay, Mom--don't do it again."

Shit My THREE Year Old Says

Well, I officially have a three year old now. May 30th, my little girl turned three. We had a firetruck themed birthday party and celebrated with our close friends and family.

She's feisty and silly as ever. I haven't remembered to write down all the funny stuff she's said but I do remember this one from the other day. It should be mentioned that I have issues with my left foot: plantar fasciitis, heel spurs, and a bone spur on my big toe. I've been jogging again, in an attempt to lose the holiday weight (not working out so well so far, but I refuse to give up) and well, the bone spur on my big toe has been hurting.

Me: *Gets shooting pain through big toe*
"Ouch! My toe!"

Winter: *hands up in concern*
"Mom, mom, it's okay; you're going to be fine, I promise."







Silly kid.

02/07/2016 (AKA She curses like a sailor)

I tripped over the vacuum today.
Winter: "What da hell mom? Why you do dat?"

Dogs bark.
Winter: "Shut de hell up!"

She dropped something the other day.
Winter: "Goddamnit."

I should probably start censoring myself. While her father and I agree we don't personally see it as a big deal, society does. We want her to do well in preschool and that's the kind of thing they won't tolerate, I'm sure. So for her benefit, we will be working on censoring our "bad" words and showing her that she should not say such things. It's going to be hard. I've been cursing since I was 15 ... that's half my life. That's a hard habit to break. Things like "hell" aren't a big deal but we don't want her to tell little Emma in preschool to "shut the fuck up" one day.

Oh, and transitioning from crib to bed sucks giant donkey dicks....

/end

January 10, 2016

Hello and Happy New Year to you all. I don't have much to update on since Winter hasn't said anything too memorable in the past few weeks, but there were a few chuckles to be had.

When I asked her to say "Oklahoma," this is how she pronounces it: "Hokomoko."

One day she was sitting on the couch, grabs the TV remote and puts it to her ear like it's a phone and says, "Hello? Hey... What the hell, Mom? Bye."

And today in the car, we were listening to the new Lion Guard soundtrack. Mommy was singing along (she usually does too, but for some reason was not today) and I suddenly hear, "HUSH, Mom."

Thanks, kid.

December 17, 2015

Okay so I'm a little late. Holidays and all that--super busy. Whatevs. Here are some more funnies from the last week and a half from Winter.

-- Her dad goes to the bathroom. Winter stands outside the closed door and hears him "potty." She starts clapping (again, at the closed door) and says "Great job, dad. You potty real good!"

-- When she poops in her diaper (yes, she's still in diapers ... don't get me started) I always put the stinky diaper in one of those little poop bags to conceal the smell. Well, once it's closed nice and tight, Winter likes to take it to the garbage can (that's literally how amazing these bags are: as long as they're tightly closed up, you can put them in your kitchen trash with no issues. I buy mine at Dollar Tree and get like 75 bags for $1.00. I've used them since her birth).
So after changing a poopy diaper, I give her the bag and she takes it and heads to the trash. But she stops in the middle of the living room and says "Big stinky poop," and then starts dancing with the bag. Yes, you read that correctly--she was dancing with her bag of poop.

-- *In a very concerned tone* "Oh my gosh. Where is it? Binky?"

-- *When we got home from shopping, getting ready to get out of the car*
Winter: "I stuck in car."
Me: "You have to open the door." *Shows her how to pull the handle to open the car door; she pushes it open*
Winter: "Yay, I did it. I free."

-- *Separate occasion*
I unbuckle her seat belt.
Winter: "Oh thank you, I free!"

-- Earlier in the day she had smeared hand lotion on the bathroom sink's faucet. I had not yet cleaned it up when she goes in the bathroom a little later and sees the lotion on the faucet. She says, "Oh Winter ... why you do that, wotion? (lotion)"


Whenever she sees something "wrong" she says "Oh Winter..." because that's what I say when she makes a mess. She's a trip. She cracks me up. I love her to death.

December 6, 2015

Stuff she's said throughout the week:

-- "Make roofies?"
(I discovered "roofies" are smoothies.)

-- *Falls down on the floor, lying flat on her back with her arms spread out* "I don't believe it."
(I still don't know what she doesn't believe.)

-- *Bumps her head*
Me: "You okay?"
Winter: "No, I'm fine."
(Alrighty then.)

November 29, 2015

Winter is trying to take her shirt off.
"Shirt off?" She asks, wanting me to help her.

"Why are you trying to take your shirt off? It's cold."

"I poop."


She apparently thinks she has to get naked to take a poop.